I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
