I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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