tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize