we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
