Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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