she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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