The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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