his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
