you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
