can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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