why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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