I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
