he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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