This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
