i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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