Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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