I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
