I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we made out on top of his cat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
