my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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