I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
