I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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