It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
