the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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