he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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