they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
