blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
