I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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