Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize