who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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