Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
