A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
