just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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