My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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