ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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