is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
