The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
