K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
