Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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