Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
