and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
