Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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