im drinking this country out of the recession.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
