it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
