I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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