you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
