shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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