i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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