Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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