Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
