his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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