is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
