He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize