I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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