My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
