Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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