the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
