My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He passed out mid-signature
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
