Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
