One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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