I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
