I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
