Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
FUCK WHALES
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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