it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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