you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
