3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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