Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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